By Alison Pilling
It might be easier to start with what we’re not. We’re not sex therapists, escorts, tantric masseurs or counsellors and we don’t offer those services as part of Sexological Bodywork. The difference between a ‘CSB’ and any of those is is worth explaining and its about the lack of ‘doing to you’ or ‘fixing you’. We believe you’re not broken, you’re having a natural life experience which can shift with the right support.
While other professions may offer a specific experience, Sexological Bodywork works with you at your level, to explore what’s going on for you and we start there. The great gift of working with a Sexological Bodyworker is that the session is centred on you, what your needs are at the place you’re at. It’s essentially a place, free from judgement, for you to learn about yourself and connect to your body in safety.
As the Sexological Bodyworker is always wearing clothes, there’s a clear boundary, which means it’s a time for you to focus on yourself without any of the common anxieties about pleasing or ‘giving’ to someone else. This means you can begin to relax and learn and build trust in yourself and your body. It’s all about you and what you need. A key element is that this is an opportunity to have a learning, educational experience, a teacher/student relationship rather than an entertainment service.
Sexological Bodyworkers have a range of skills, tools and exercises to adapt to what’s important for you. They’ll ask you about what you want in your life and what are your issues that you want to explore in the greater context of your life. Some reasons why people see a Sexological Bodyworker might include the following, though there could be more:
I was abused and want to go beyond that, I’ve lost my erotic desire, my partner’s closed down I don’t feel anything during sex, I’ve got erectile dysfunction, I’m bored in my relationship, I’m feeling addicted to porn, I’ve got a fetish that’s getting in the way, I’m embarrassed about my body, dating is difficult as I feel pressure to have sex when I don’t want to, I find it hard to talk about sex, I want to feel more confident in the bedroom.
Unlike seeing other types of practitioner who ‘do things to you’ or try to fix you, seeing a Sexological Bodyworker gives you the insight, responsibility and power to make the changes you want in your life. If you want your life to be happier with more sexual understanding and confidence, it’s ultimately up to you and Sexological Bodywork can support you to turn around your personal Titanic. With kindness and a model of co-creating sessions with you, they’ll listen to you talk about what’s important for you, and offer options for learning.
How do they work? They work with bringing curiosity rather than 'making something happen’ to you. In the session they’ll often ask you what you’re noticing and feeling in your body. Imagine someone supporting you and not trying to fix you, listening to you and using touch that is non goal oriented and for your benefit only. What that means is that the touch you receive is guided by you, for the purpose of your learning; to see what you’re noticing and feeling. It’s not with the purpose of making anything happen like arousal. It’s such a relief for those who connect anxiety with arousal and can finally relax into safety. It’s about you taking charge of what happens to your body.
To finally have someone listen to us with unconditional positive regard touches something deep, a feeling of complete acceptance. And from that place we can make changes for ourselves, based on what we see and feel and learn about what we need.
Sexological Bodywork is a pioneering new field with fewer than a thousand practitioners, with a code of ethics and a professional body. We’ve seen amazing things happen with clients when they finally get the attention and support they’ve needed for so long.
Learning for the first time that you matter and what you want matters is a powerful force for personal change.